


Not A Relationship, But Not 'Not' a Relationship

by Taimae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Open Relationship, Red Hawke, Relationship Advice, Sex Talk, What is a Relationship Anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 02:51:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13754709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taimae/pseuds/Taimae
Summary: Anders has a sit down with Isabela and Hawke about their 'not a relationship'.(Rated M for the contents of the topic, but no actual sexy times)





	Not A Relationship, But Not 'Not' a Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday to me~ here's a fic that I wrote when I was having writer's block from Leather & Lace Romance Week. 
> 
> Kenyon is my male Hawke that I've been thinking about more since I got a prompt about him awhile back on Tumblr. He's not a nice dude and if I ever met anyone like him in real life, I'd probably hate him. But~ sometimes jerks are really fun to write. Especially jerks who are trying to redeem themselves and be better. 
> 
> He romanced Isabela and had a close friendship with Fenris, so I like to think that maybe the three of them might have gotten together at some point. I've been into 3P relationships lately, lol. Maybe it's because I feel like I write a lot of heteronormative stuff and need to branch out a bit. Also, love triangle formula needs to be changed imo. 
> 
> Anyway, I like to think that Isabela and Hawke's started as too hot, kind of conceited people slowly realizing that it's okay to be nice and it's okay to have 'feelings'.
> 
> I thought it would be entertaining to have Anders as the sort of 'narrator' for this because I feel he would be the only person who couldn't deal with their attitude towards their own relationship. Plus, I've never featured Anders in a fic before. 
> 
> Happy reading!

“I’m sorry. I know I said that I wouldn’t say anything, but I must. I just don’t get… _this,_ ”

Anders motioned to Kenyon and Isabela across the table from him.

“Why Anders, all you have to do is ask if you want to get _this_. We’d be more than happy to oblige whatever fantasy you may have. As long as you don’t bring Justice along,” Isabela replied lifting her hand up and without hesitation, Kenyon gave her a high five.

“I meant your relationship,” Anders let out an annoyed sigh. Maker, it was impossible to have a serious conversation with these two about… well, anything really. But especially this topic.

“Not a relationship,” the apostate and pirate said in unison.

Anders frowned in irritation. He was not a prude by any means. He didn’t even think twice about it when he first heard they were casually bedding each other. After all, what could you expect from two incredibly vapid, self-centered and selfish individuals? It made sense that they wouldn’t be in a conventional relationship. It was fine they were just friends with benefits, or in an open relationship. But they seemed to acknowledge even that level of intimacy. That was the confusing part.

“I just am trying to understand how you feel about each other,” he continued.

“Ew, he used the F-word,” Isabela scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“We do not use that word around here Anders, unless it’s followed by someone’s body part. Mind your language,” Kenyon wrapped his arm around Isabela and pulled her close, in a sort of faux comfort. Anders just narrowed his eyes. Were they not aware how they looked to everyone else?

“This is what I’m trying to say. You two are incapable of acknowledging your feelings with each other,” he was getting exasperated by this point.

Kenyon rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively at the other mage. “You talk nonsense,”

“Kenyon.What kind of person lies when he’s _not_ going to a brothel? Because that’s what you’ve been doing,”

“Hold on; You weren’t at the Blooming Rose last night?” Isabela turned and looked at Kenyon, her eyebrows raised in both surprise and suspicion.

“Ha-what? Of course, I was. I was certainly in there… banging… many women. And men. Great fun to be had all around. Clothes torn off, body parts giggling… my parts… in… various holes…yes,” he quickly took a large swig from his tankard, glaring at Anders with his blue eyes.  “It was all a very sexy time,”

She pursed her lips and continued to stare at the young man. “Anders, do you know what he was up to?”

Well, now Anders sort of regretted getting in the middle of this. Perhaps this was why everyone told him not to press the matter. He was interfering. Interfering in this… not a relationship.

 “He was at home. Helping his mother, I believe,” Anders was no stranger to lying or dressing up his words, but he suddenly had difficulty in this situation. Like the man across from him, he also took a long swig from his tankard and started to trail off from what he was original saying.

“No sex _and_ you were being nice without a reward?” Isabela continued to look over at the Kenyon as though she didn’t even know who he was anymore.

“I swear on Andraste’s voluptuous tits, Isabela that this is just a one-time occurrence. I assure you that I’m still the self-interested man that you have grown to mildly tolerate while bedding every now and then,”

“Who was the last person you slept with that wasn’t me?”

Kenyon snorted and rolled his eyes. “Isabela, I don’t keep track of every person I bed. Why I barely even remember when we last slept together. When was it? Something like oneweekthreehousandfifteenminutes? But really, who is even counting?”

The pirate shook her head and sighed before finishing the remaining of her drink and standing. “Right, well, I’m _actually_ heading out to the Blooming Rose. Don’t wait up,”

“Of course. You’ve got it paid up for the year, don’t you? You should use it because this is something that I really do not care about,” Kenyon said, seeming to regain his composure. Isabela waved at both mages before she swaggered out of the tavern.

Anders remained silent for a moment, trying to take everything in. He wasn’t exactly sure what happened. Isabela was upset at Kenyon for… being exclusively with her? For not sleeping with other people? Maker, this was too confusing; and quite possibly stupid.

“So you don’t like her?” Anders replied.   

“Anders, of _course_ I like her!” Kenyon leaned over and gripped at the fellow mage’s coat, his voice coarse. “What blighted idiot wouldn’t be charmed by a gorgeous, slave-hating pirate with a thirst for adventure and sex? But if by chance, you haven’t noticed, Isabela isn’t the commitment type,”

“Neither are you for that matter,”

“Right!? I told her I wasn’t going to bring feelings into this and now here I am… feeling… things,” he made a disgusted face as he finally let go of Anders. “I want to do things with her that aren’t sex related. Like take her out on a lovely dinner, or buy her presents, or just hold… her hand. Do you realize how difficult this is?”

“To want to do things that nearly every other normal person does without a second thought?”

“Don’t be smart. Also… I want to try this whole ‘being kind’ thing, but I don’t want people to start thinking I’m going soft. If Isabela catches wind of that, she’ll laugh at me for sure,”

Anders had a very hard time sympathizing with this predicament. Kenyon was essentially complaining that he was becoming a normal, decent person with normal, human emotions. Something he should have been doing all this time. Kenyon may have been helping the people in Kirkwall, but it was always so self-interested and pompous. He deserved no praise for this change.

And yet, something about Kenyon’s face made him pity him a bit. He’d never really seen the man so conflicted before. Perhaps in some cases, a change of heart could happen later in life. Maybe some people needed encouragement to do the right thing.  

“I don’t know if this helps you at all, but my understanding is that you are the only _male_ that Isabela has slept with for a large amount of time,” Anders said, letting out a long, annoyed sigh.

Kenyon’s eyes suddenly brightened. “Really? You’re not just saying that, are you?”

“Every time Isabela has told one of her inappropriate sex adventures, they’ve all been either about women at the Blooming Rose, or you,” he really rather not know this information, but there was never any escape from Isabela’s sexcapades. “Unless you count her crude flirting with Fenris,”

“Yeah, but who wouldn’t with him? Maker knows I’ve tried,”

“You would bed a man who hates mages while also being a- you know what? Never mind, I’m not even going to get into that,” Anders took another deep breath. “All of this to say that I think Isabela _might_ have feelings for you too. Perhaps if you’re just gradual about your attraction to her, as well as your desire to be ‘nice’, it won’t scare her off. Small steps,”

Kenyon grinned and then reached over, patting Anders firmly on the shoulder. “Thank’s mate. Looks like you’re not always a dick about things,”

“…Are you sure you’re trying to be nice?”

“Right, sorry. What I meant to say is that this is the first time I’ve ever genuinely appreciated your input and paid attention to it. I will try to do that more often in the future. Probably. No promises,”

Well, it was a start at least.


End file.
